Note: El Burro can be met at the payphone in front of the Hepburn Heights apartments.
Note: I recommend a Firetruck for this mission. And not just because it makes this ridiculously funny at times. (Okay, partly that.)
Anyways, our starting line is at the Old School Hall down in Chinatown. Back your Firetruck up to the alley near Punk Noodles. Floor it towards the starting line and smash into one of the Cheetahs at the starting line. Not only will the race automatically start, but, odds are, you’ve just sent one car flying ahead of you like a bat outta hell.
That’s good, because the game’s AI rarely knows how to deal with THAT. Not to mention you’ve possibly also flipped him or, if you went REALLY fast, put him in that side alley next to the Callahan Bridge and the nearby building.
Now, for the race, focus on remaining at top speed and smashing into any fool racer – heck, any fool vehicle – that gets in your way. Just follow the checkpoints and you’ll probably win.
Side-Mission: I Scream, You Scream
When you start this mission, head over to Harwood and pick up the briefcase with the bomb from Borgnine Taxis near HEAD Radio. Then go to the other dot on the radar designating a Mr. Whoopee ice cream van. Jack it and head over to Atlantic Quays.
Here, park into the blue marker and start up the "jeengle jeengle" by pressing L3. Leave and get a fair distance away, but close enough that you can see what is happening. When the gang gets close to the van, use the detonator to finish 'em.
Side-Mission: Trial by Fire
Rewards: $10,000 and Hostility from Triads.
After the start of the mission, take a car and head into Chinatown. Near the China Building, you’ll find the Flamethrower. When you grab it, you’ll get infinite Flamethrower ammo and a two minute, thirty second timer to kill twenty-five Triads. So, yeah, like a Rampage.
Take your car and drive into the park near the Old School Hall in Chinatown; the park there usually generates enough Triad flesh to start a decent bonfire.
Side-Mission: Big N Veiny
Rewards: $20,000 and allowed retries of Turismo.
After the mission starts, get into the van nearby and follow the nearby path of… obscenity. Anyways, you’ll begin with twenty seconds and get one more second for each pile of magazines picked up.
Follow the path and you’ll reach Portland Harbor eventually. Smash into the thief to end his existence, then head over to XXX Mags in the Red Light District to finish.