Report on Desertions

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As instructed, I collated information regarding desertions from our ranks. Overall, sixteen individuals left their posts without the express permission of their superiors. Of these, ten were never found.

Of the remaining six, three were found in taverns, wearing civilian clothes and in a state of complete inebriation (they were punished accordingly), and two have reputedly changed sides and joined the manumits. The last case, concerning one Klaus (self-styled ‘the Brave’), is highly unusual and so deserves a more detailed account.

Klaus was allowed to join our ranks in spite of concerns regarding his mental fitness for the job. In the end, he was accepted but assigned the lowliest tasks, such as kitchen and latrine duties. Soon afterwards, he disappeared without a trace – and his superior assumed he did so to shirk unpleasant assignments. However, his body was later found – by accident – in one of the outhouses. Apparently, he took his responsibilities too seriously and scrubbed the (admittedly very dirty) seat with such enthusiasm that he tipped over and drowned in the refuse below. His name was crossed off the deserters list and his next of kin was notified (though we decided to omit the colourful details). If I may be allowed a humorous remark – \discharged" takes on a whole new meaning in this context.“